When You Catch Yourself Repeating a Negative Pattern
“What was I thinking?”, “When will I learn?” I remember once catching myself about to repeat a toxic pattern. I was in disbelief at how easy all that inner work could go down the drain when my subconscious mind simply took over, and I started to repeat what I had always been doing without thinking. “Thank goodness I caught myself in time!” A sense of relief and letdown arose simultaneously; I felt grateful for being conscious enough to spot my pattern, and at the same time, I had doubts about my ability to always be self-aware.
Looking back, I realize that was a pivotal moment, marking the beginning of a new chapter in my life.
Self-Examination
Recognizing your pattern is an important milestone in life. You just went from years of blindly following your impulses to now seeing yourself clearly for the first time, which is no small achievement.
Recognizing your pattern means growth. It means you have gained the ability to examine yourself through your past struggles. It means you have turned your experiences into self-insights and your challenges into wisdom. This marks your new beginning. Take a moment to acknowledge this change in you. Your new self-insights are invaluable in bringing about new beginnings.
Here are 3 tips that have helped me ease into healthy new patterns:
1. What's the Reward?
Why do you do what you do? Ask yourself what you are trying to get by repeating your negative pattern. However unhealthy our patterns are, we repeat them because we feel we are gaining something from them at that moment. Identifying the reward you associate with your negative pattern can help you understand your urge to repeat it. It’s like understanding the “hidden” motive behind your behavior. For example, engaging with emotionally unavailable partners to avoid loneliness (reward), excessively pleasing others to gain approval (reward), neglecting your own needs and putting others first to earn love (reward), etc. Identifying the reward you associate with your negative pattern sheds light on what you truly need. You can now focus on developing healthy ways to get what you need. Remember, you deserve better than just a temporary fix.
2. Cultivating a New Pattern
There is so much freedom in letting go. When you stop holding on to what could have been, you open up space in your heart to connect with your higher self. Life is speaking to you. When you let go, you often discover what matters to you most and what you are truly searching for.
3. Little Acts of Kindness
It’s amazing how life changes the moment you decide to show yourself a little tenderness. It might feel strange at first if you have a harsh inner critic. Start with little acts of kindness you do for yourself daily. It might mean declining an invitation to spend time with yourself instead, saying no at work, being patient with yourself instead of putting yourself down, acknowledging your feelings, encouraging yourself, seeing your own worth, etc. Start now, and you’ll be amazed how they pay off.
Final Thoughts
Being kind to yourself reminds you that you are worthy of love. I make a point to celebrate every time I catch myself about to repeat a negative old pattern. It feels good to know that I am evolving and that I didn’t suffer in vain. LOL. It feels even better knowing that all the love I pour into myself is coming back in 10 folds!